Prerequisites for a healthy relationship

The following information is the result of much research by Dr. John Gottman who has studied marital relationships for many years. Rather than study and explore the dysfunction of relationships, he focused on what actually makes relationships happier and healthier. Here are five important prerequisites or ingredients that contribute to healthy and happy relationships.

1.) Soft startups versus harsh startups during conflict. When you bring your complaint up gently there is far greater likelihood that the other person will listen to your complaint. A complaint that is soft and avoids criticism is going to be received well. If you use criticism it often focuses on diminishing your partner's character. When criticism is used too often it can lead to feelings of contempt, a state where it is difficult to see and acknowledge the good qualities in your partner. Whatever tone you begin your conversation on, soft or harsh,

the likelihood of it ending on the same tone is great. Therefore, begin with a soft startup and be respectful of your partner.

2.) Accepting your partner's influence. If you want a healthy relationship, you must be able to respond well to your partner's complaints. Accepting your partner's influence does not necessarily mean you agree with them, but it is a

sign of respect for their thoughts, feelings, needs, etc. We tend to reject influence in many ways but two major ways are as follows. The first is defensiveness. The listener fails to acknowledge anything reasonable about their partner's request and instead counter every point their partner makes.

We might say, "That is your opinion and it is ridiculous." The second way of rejecting influence is stonewalling. This happens when the listener simply refuses to engage in conversation when their partner complains or they may get up and walk out of the room with no explanation. Of the two genders, it is men who are more likely to reject influence but if they accept influence the healthiness of the relationship increases by 80%.