Prerequisites for healthy relationships (Cont'd)

Well, here we are at the last of the Five Prerequisites for a healthy relationship and marriage. These prerequisites are important but there are additional ones we could mention beyond Dr. Gottman's research but that will come later. It is one thing to understand these five ingredients for growing a healthy relationship, but if they are not implemented on a daily, regular basis then they become just nice words that seem encouraging to one's mind. If any value is to come from reading about these prerequisites then they must be taken out of your head and put into real action and practice in your daily relationships.

5.) Five positive statements to every negative one: Decades of research has made it quite clear that a successful marriage has more to do with what happens when partners aren't fighting than when they are fighting. (Gottman, 1999). Couples who experience happiness over the long haul have become good friends, and regularly express fondness and admiration for each other on a spontaneous basis. Partners destined to succeed engage in at least five positive interactions for every single negative interaction. (Gottman, 2002). Such positive interactions creates a positive sentiment override or atmosphere which tends to hold marriage up during challenging and difficult times that bring up harsh words and actions. Successful marriages are not free of negative interactions, they simply have more positives ones, thus creating a positive sentiment override. Positive comments are like making a deposit in your partner's "emotional love tank," so that when things get tough they can withdraw a positive comment from the past.

When we are willing to take the focus off ourselves and what we need and begin to focus on what our partner needs, we are becoming emotionally intelligent partners. As we offer positive comments to our partner we also increase our capacity to be empathic with them. We also begin to experience a contagious effect - - - our partner will begin to share positive things about us and they will want to move closer to us because they will feel valued and cherished. All living organisms are drawn to a source of energy that promotes growth.

May your relationships grow stronger, healthier, and last a lifetime!