Attachment Styles in Relationships

There are three major attachment styles in adult relationships, or manners in which people perceive and respond to emotional connections in loving relationships. I will not describe them in great detail at this time but will perhaps later. The three "attachment styles" are Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant.

At this time I just want to focus on how best to create and develop a Secure base for your partner in order to build a strong emotional connection between the two of you. There are certain conditions that enable our partner to pursue their own interests and begin to explore their world with great confidence, thus allowing them to move toward a Secure connection with the ones they care for.

Brooke Feeney and Roxanne Thrush, of Carnegie Mellon University, found that three specific behaviors underlie this Secure base to generate a stronger emotional connection with loved one. You can provide such a Secure base by adopting the following secure behaviors:

1.) Be available and emotionally present: This means to respond sensitively to their struggles; allow them to be dependent on you unconditionally when they feel such a need; check in with them from time to time by asking them how they are doing or what do you need from me?; and offering comfort and empathy when things go wrong.

2.) Don't interfere: You can provide behind-the-scenes encouragement for their endeavors whatever they might be. Help in a way that leaves them with

a sense of initiative and the feeling of personal power. Allow them to do their own thing without offering your solution and without attempting to take over the situation or the project.

3.) Encourage them: Offer encouragement even for their small efforts and be

accepting unconditionally of their personal growth goals. Avoid any critical comment on their ideas or goals unless they serve a positive purpose. Seek ways to bolster their self-esteem through your words, attitudes, and actions. You need to offer five words of affirmation for every negative word.

I wish you the best as you build this Secure base in your relationships!